var quotes=new Array()
//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.
quotes[0]='"If \'ifs\' were fifths, we\'d all be drunk."
- Ephraim Salaam'
quotes[1]='"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can\'t, you\'re right!"
- Henry Ford'
quotes[2]='"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
- John Wooden'
quotes[3]='"You miss 100 percent of the shots you don\'t take."
- Wayne Gretzky'
quotes[4]='"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
- Dean Wormer, Animal House'
quotes[5]='"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."
- Multiple characters, Back to the Future'
quotes[6]='"You know, there\'s a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don\'t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of \'em just cheat on you."
- Silent Bob, Clerks'
quotes[7]='"I hear and I forget, I see and I remember. I do and I understand."
- Chinese Proverb'
quotes[8]='"Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford? The Whale? They only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime."
- Brodie Bruce, Mallrats'
quotes[9]='"Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go."
- Dante Hicks, Clerks'
quotes[10]='"I find your lack of faith disturbing."
- Darth Vader, Star Wars: A New Hope'
quotes[11]='"The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you -- it\'s so rare."
- Alyssa Jones, Chasing Amy'
quotes[12]='"It\'s not about who\'s right or wrong. No denomination\'s nailed it yet, and they never will because they\'re all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn\'t matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up."
- Serendipity, Dogma'
quotes[13]='"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
- Captain Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan'
quotes[14]='"Potential is only as good as the paper on which it\'s printed."
- Ted Sundquist'
quotes[15]='"Who\'s more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?"
- Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars: A New Hope'
quotes[16]='"Some nights you\'re the dog; some nights you\'re the tree."
- Seth Greenberg'
quotes[17]='"I\'m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me -- no matter how dumb my suggestions are!"
- Homer Simpson'
quotes[18]='"Why is it every half-wit and sitcom star has his own book out now?"
- Lippman, Seinfeld, "The Muffin Tops"'
quotes[19]='"Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can\'t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."
- Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, "The Voice"'
quotes[20]='"Serenity now, insanity later."
- Lloyd Braun, Seinfeld, "The Serenity Now"'
quotes[21]='"When dreams become more important than reality, you give up travel, building, creating; you even forget how to repair the machines left behind by your ancestors. You just sit living and reliving other lives left behind."
- Vina, Star Trek, "The Menagerie"'
quotes[22]='"War is never imperative."
- Dr. McCoy, Star Trek, "Balance of Terror"'
quotes[23]='"In this galaxy, there\'s a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that and perhaps more, only one of each of us."
- Dr. McCoy, Star Trek, "Balance of Terror"'
quotes[24]='"The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play."
- Captain Kirk, Star Trek, "Shore Leave"'
quotes[25]='"There are always alternatives."
- Mr. Spock, Star Trek, "The Galileo Seven"'
quotes[26]='"Genius doesn\'t work on an assembly-line basis. You can\'t simply say, \'Today I will be brilliant.\'"
- Captain Kirk, Star Trek, "The Ultimate Computer"'
quotes[27]='"Genius has no \'off\' switch."
- David Letterman'
quotes[28]='"Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then."
- John Wooden'
quotes[29]='"People have the illusion that all over the world, all the time, all kinds of fantastic things are happening. When in fact, over most of the world, most of the time, nothing is happening."
- David Brinkley'
quotes[30]='"You can\'t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."
- John Wooden'
quotes[31]='"Football combines the two worst things about America; it is violence punctuated by committee meetings."
- George F. Will'
quotes[32]='"If you make every game a life-and-death proposition, you\'re going to have problems. For one thing, you\'ll be dead a lot."
- Dean Smith'
quotes[33]='"Basketball is a team game. But that doesn\'t mean all five players should have the same amount of shots."
- Dean Smith'
quotes[34]='"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it."
- George Halas'
quotes[35]='"Nothing is work unless you\'d rather be doing something else."
- George Halas'
quotes[36]='"There\'s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes'
quotes[37]='"You\'re not a human being unless you have doubts and fears."
- Mike Krzyzewski'
quotes[38]='"Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be."
- Jimmy Johnson'
quotes[39]='"You can have money piled to the ceiling, but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather."
- Chuck Tanner'
quotes[40]='"The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others."
- Don Shula'
quotes[41]='"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."
- Darrell Royal'
quotes[42]='"There are only two options regarding commitment. You\'re either in or you\'re out. There\'s no such thing as life in-between."
- Pat Riley'
quotes[43]='"Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won\'t taste good."
- Joe Paterno'
quotes[44]='"From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life."
- Arthur Ashe'
quotes[45]='"It isn\'t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it\'s the pebble in your shoe."
- Muhammad Ali'
quotes[46]='"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
- Yogi Berra'
quotes[47]='"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren\'t happy in one place, chances are you won\'t be happy anyplace."
- Ernie Banks'
quotes[48]='"Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people."
- Martina Navratilova'
quotes[49]='"I can accept failure, but I can\'t accept not trying."
- Michael Jordan'
quotes[50]='"A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable."
- H.L. Mencken'
quotes[51]='"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."
- H.L. Mencken'
quotes[52]='"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
- H.L. Mencken'
quotes[53]='"A screenplay is not a finished product; a novel is. A screenplay is a blueprint for something -- for a building that will most likely never be built."
- Nicholas Meyer'
quotes[54]='"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion."
- Grantland Rice'
quotes[55]='"Common sense is not so common."
- Voltaire'
quotes[56]='"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays."
- Soren Kierkegaard'
quotes[57]='"Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use."
- Charles Schulz'
quotes[58]='"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'"
- Charles Schulz'
quotes[59]='"Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts."
- Edward R. Murrow'
quotes[60]='"The speed of communications is wondrous to behold. It is also true that speed can multiply the distribution of information that we know to be untrue."
- Edward R. Murrow'
quotes[61]='"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it."
- Edward R. Murrow'
quotes[62]='"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."
- Charles Kuralt'
quotes[63]='"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."
- David Brinkley'
quotes[64]='"Change is inevitable. Change is constant."
- Benjamin Disraeli'
quotes[65]='"War is never a solution; it is an aggravation."
- Benjamin Disraeli'
quotes[66]='"Wisdom is always an overmatch for strength."
- Phil Jackson'
quotes[67]='"There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done."
- Johnny Unitas'
quotes[68]='"Some coaches pray for wisdom. I pray for 260-pound tackles. They\'ll give me plenty of wisdom."
- Chuck Noll'
quotes[69]='"Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is usually more important than the outcome. Not everyone can be No. 1."
- Arthur Ashe'
quotes[70]='"I\'m 37?"
- Dante Hicks, Clerks'
quotes[71]='"I don\'t know what kind of soldier I\'m gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat, I\'ll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way."
- Russell Zinskey, Stripes'
quotes[72]='"Well, that hurts. And I don\'t think I want to take that kind of abuse. And I know I\'m not going to take you -- or your luggage -- to the airport."
- John Winger, Stripes'
quotes[73]='"Captain, I must have some platinum. A small block will do, about five or six pounds."
- Mr. Spock, Star Trek, "The City on the Edge of Forever"'
quotes[74]='"Some nights you\'re the dog; some nights you\'re the tree. Tonight we were the tree. But we will be the dog someday."
- Seth Greenberg'
quotes[75]='"Genius has no \'off\' switch."
- David Letterman'
quotes[76]='"What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn\'t one today."
- Phi Connors, Groundhog Day'
quotes[77]='"It\'s the same things your whole life. \'Clean up your room!\' \'Stand up straight!\' \'Pick up your feet!\' \'Take it like a man!\' \'Be nice to your sister!\' \'Don\'t mix beer and wine - ever!\' Oh, yeah - \'Don\'t drive on the railroad tracks!\'"
- Phil Connors, Groundhog Day'
quotes[78]='"I think having land and not ruining it is the most beautiful art that anybody could ever want to own."
- Andy Warhol'
quotes[79]='"Bones heal, chicks dig scars and the United States has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!"
- Capt. Lance Murdock, The Simpsons'
quotes[80]='"People have the illusion that all over the world, all the time, all kinds of fantastic things are happening. When in fact, over most of the world, most of the time, nothing is happening. "
- David Brinkley'
quotes[81]='"I loved it when you nuked Las Vegas. Suitably Biblical ending to the place, don\'t you think?"
Stephen Falken, WarGames'
quotes[82]='"Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm! I don\'t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper; it does just fine by itself."
- Cousin Eddie, National Lampoon\'s Vacation'
quotes[83]='"Well, the traffic was murder, you know. One of those manure spreaders jackknifed on the Santa Ana. God-awful mess. You should see my shoes."
- Irwin M. Fletcher, Fletch'
quotes[84]='"It\'s all ball bearings nowadays."
- Irwin M. Fletcher, Fletch'
quotes[85]='"My mom\'s been f---in\' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him \'Dad.\'"
- Randal Graves, Clerks'
quotes[86]='"You know, there\'s a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don\'t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of \'em just cheat on you."
- Silent Bob, Clerks'
quotes[87]='"And then she threw me out of her life. She thought I was a creep; she thought I was a geek -- and she probably wasn\'t the first."
- Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters'
quotes[88]='"That was the biggest load of crap I\'ve ever heard. I mean, look at you. You\'re the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own."
- Brodie Bruce, Mallrats'
quotes[89]='"There are some things that you just don\'t talk about in public!"
- Brodie Bruce, Mallrats'
quotes[90]='"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don\'t hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don\'t care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!"
- Brodie Bruce, Mallrats'
quotes[91]='"Don\'t cross the streams."
- Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters'
quotes[92]='"One run on ... let\'s see, one hit. One hit? That\'s all we got? One goddamn hit?"
- Harry Doyle, Major League'
quotes[93]='"He leads the major leagues in most offensive categories including nose hair. When this guy blows his nose, it looks like a party favor."
- Harry Doyle, Major League'
quotes[94]='"Yo, bartender! Jobu needs a refill!"
- Eddie Harris, Major League'
quotes[95]='"The Lord can make you tumble, the Lord can make you turn, the Lord can make you overflow, but the Lord can\'t make you burn. Burn on, big river, burn on ..."
- Randy Newman, Burn On'
quotes[96]='"At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunnelling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn\'t be able to locate my interest in your problem."
- Frasier Crane, Frasier'
quotes[97]='"Nothing is more sacrosanct than our professional ethics. Fortunately, I know a trick to get around them!"
- Niles Crane, Frasier'
quotes[98]='"All my life I have dreamed of one thing - the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalog and see my name under \'Mental Illness.\'"
- Niles Crane, Frasier'
quotes[99]='"I\'m trying to recommend the book. Reading it doesn\'t help. Okay, here -- how\'s this? \'Many great volumes have been written about human behavior, and I can honestly say without fear of contradiction that this book can stand on the shelf next to any of them.\'"
- Frasier Crane, Frasier'
quotes[100]='"There\'s an empty spot I\'ve always had inside of me. I\'ve tried to fill it with family, religion, community service -- but those were dead ends. I think this chair is the answer."
- Homer Simpson, Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?'
quotes[101]='"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it\'s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"
- Homer Simpson, Bart Gets an Elephant'
quotes[102]='"A wise man once taught me the healing power of the body\'s natural pressure points. He sells t-shirts outside the World Trade Center."
- Kramer, Seinfeld, "The Seven"'
quotes[103]='"I love a good nap. Sometimes it\'s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning."
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Nap"'
quotes[104]='"I gotta tell you, I am loving this yada yada thing. I can gloss over my whole life story."
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Yada Yada"'
quotes[105]='"It went straight to video. That makes me the premiere."
- Kramer, Seinfeld, "The Comeback"'
quotes[106]='"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way ... (The doll) was destroyed, but out of that, a new holiday was born -- a Festivus for the rest of us!" - Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, describing the origins of Festivus in "The Strike"'
quotes[107]='"You see, right now I have \'Relationship George.\' But there is also \'Independent George.\' That\'s the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George!" "I love that George." "Me too, and he\'s dying, Jerry! If \'Relationship George\' walks through this door, he will kill \'Independent George.\' A George divided against itself cannot stand!"
- George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, "The Pool Guy"'
quotes[108]='"You\'re killing independent George!"
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Pool Guy"'
quotes[109]='"You know, if you take everything I\'ve done in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent."
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Muffin Tops"'
quotes[110]='"I\'m a big man. I\'m a big, expansive man."
- Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, "The Baptism"'
quotes[111]='"You\'re just a big bowl of wrong."
- Jeff Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm, "The Group"'
quotes[112]='"I just threw away a life time of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots."
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Apartment"'
quotes[113]='"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
- George Costanza, Seinfeld, "The Switch"'
quotes[114]='"Oh boy, sleep! That\'s where I\'m a Viking."
- Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons, "Lisa the Vegetarian"'
quotes[115]='"Me fail English? That\'s unpossible."
- Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons, "Lisa on Ice"'
var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length))
document.write(quotes[whichquote])